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Emily Faith

Jan. 26th, 2016 | 01:49 pm
location: Rhinebeck, New York
mood: determined
music: Song of the Rose - Jordan de la Sierra

Another round of holidays has arrived for my daughters and me, without my darling Emily.

Lots of memories of holidays around this time of year, and otherwhen.

Mostly unpleasant, these memories.

Even when I accompanied Emily to these Events ( ostensibly to 'protect' her, although serving as a witness / backup verification to the proceedings was just as important to her sanity ), there would always be a period of three or more days following the event during which I would find myself holding her while she trembled and screamed and cried, processing all of the negativity she had accrued while spending time with the clan Cohen, and with Peter ( her brother ) and Nancy ( Peter's wife ).

When I asked Emily why she persisted in exposing herself to all of this abuse, her reply was always a variation on the theme of her fears of being 'cut off' from The Family, 'cut off' from support, being left penniless and destitute.

Hostage Logic.

Capture Bonding.

' Family ' as Stockholm Syndrome.

A lot of outrageous things had to happen over the years, a lot of things had to be screwed up, in order for Emily to finally admit to herself, and to me, that ' The Family ' was largely a fiction; that ' there hasn't really been a family for a long while ' ( <-- Emily's words ).

Emily ran a number of Post Mortems by me on the ' Death of The Family ' over the years, involving events such as -

- her father Bob's death, her mother Linda's death; her uncle Bud's death; her uncle Herb's death; her cousin Dan cheating on his wife, Mara; her cousin David's psychotic break; trusted family advisor and accountant David Zonner's transmogrification into a liar and embezzler; her brother, Peter, and his wife, Nancy, refusing to be godparents of our children; her cousins Tom and Lisa becoming fed up with all of the bullying and badgering and making themselves and their children unavailable to any further attacks -

That's the 'short list'.

Emily's psychopharmacologist once told her that - "The circumstances of your life are not conducive to your mental health."

That one was usually good for a laugh in Emily's darker, even suicidal, moments.

The takeaway :

There Is Always A Reason.

Whenever something gets screwed up, whenever something outrageous goes down, whenever somebody does something really rotten, there is a reason for it.

You still have a screwed-up, outrageous situation to deal with, though - and explaining it and discussing it does nothing to alleviate that situation one bit.

You can spend some time sussing it out, if you care to, and learn why they are an < expletive deleted >.

But the Fact of the Act ( or Acts ) remains, and it changes nothing to run a posthumous psychoanalysis on the perpetrator(s).

Acts, and their consequences, are the things by which others judge us.

Judging the behavior of others is among our most Basic Survival Skills : it is Healthy to avoid people that put us in danger ( wittingly or not ) and / or cause us pain ( wittingly or not ).

I also accept that there will always be people that I must conduct business with that (a.) do not like me, or (b.) I do not like.

And conducting business with such people is where the Exercise of Manners and Politeness plays such a very important role.

With regard to my remarks above re: explanations and discussions, it must be pretty obvious that I don't do ' therapy ' - that is just one of the many activities that I personally regard as a waste of time and money, along with things like skiing, golfing, gambling, drinking, smoking, &tc.

Giving someone else's opinions and decisions priority over your own opinions is Standard Operating Procedure for hierarchical structures such as businesses, where Employers 'manage' or 'boss' their Employees around, for example.

'Management' being a euphemism for Control.

I prefer a life of self-examination and self-direction, of Self-Governance, instead of *paying someone to tell me what to do*, which is what therapy is all about when someone peeks behind the curtain of jargon.

No matter how wealthy or privileged you are, no one ( not even your therapist ) can take a bath for you.

No one can Communicate for you.

And no one can Live your life for you.

For my part, I simply want to get on with my life with a minimum of interference from the in-laws that I have inherited from my wife.

What my in-laws do with their lives is between them and HaShem.

My in-laws may not approve of what I do with my life, nor do I expect them to.

But they must perforce accept what I do with my life.

And no amount of yanking on my chains masquerading as 'love' will deter me in the least - I intend to keep my promises to Emily and my daughters.

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Dear Mother Nature : Hudson Valley Artists 2012

Jul. 27th, 2012 | 04:27 pm
location: West Hurley, New York
music: Cuckoo Bird - Clarence Ashley

Heartfelt offerings have been
created for you by forty-two
talented Hudson Valley artists.
Their artworks express
gratitude, apologies, prayers,
empathy, and much more.


~ Linda Weintraub
Exhibition Curator
Dear Mother Nature :
Hudson Valley Artists 2012

The Samuel Dorsky Museum of Art
Alice and Horace Chandler Gallery
June 23 - November 4, 2012

That amazing piece of pottery in the foreground on the right is Joan Bankemper's
Suzanna's Garden of Earthly Delights.

My own installation is on the left, back against the wall.

" Dear Mother Nature ~ " :
Materials list for my installation, First Matters :

1.) Heat-Bodied Linseed Oil & Canada Balsam ( "pine sap" )
2.) Linseed Oil – Washed
3.) Walnut Oil – Washed
4.) Walnut Oil & Canada Balsam ( "pine sap" )
5.) Myrrh Varnish - Myrrh Resin & Spirit of Gum Turpentine
6.) Frankincense Varnish - Frankincense Resin &
Spirit of Gum Turpentine
7.) Damar Varnish - Damar Resin & Spirit of Gum Turpentine
8.) Beeswax & Essential Oil of Lavender & Essential Oil of Clove Medium
9.) Beeswax & Ammonia Medium
11.) Oak Galls
12.) Red Ochre Pigment
13.) Lemon Ochre
14.) Iron Oxide Black Pigment
15.) White Chalk Pigment

The four Earth Pigments listed immediately above can be seen on the far
left of the cabinet, on top of the slab of marble that I use for grinding all of
my colours. Below is a photo of these items, along with my mortar and
pestle and my glass muller :

Four Humoural/Seasonal Colours

The Four Humoural/Seasonal Colours

Red - Sunrise - East - Air - Blood

Yellow - Noon - South - Fire - Choler

Black - Sunset - West - Earth - Melancholy

White - Midnight - North - Water - Phlegm

Below is my letter, accompanying the installation :

Dear Mother Nature :

My offering to you is to be your co-creator and ally in the ongoing
unfoldment of the World - "Natura Naturans"; that is to say, the
'Naturing of Nature'.

I dig up clay, collect rocks, roots and resins; pound, grind, wash,
blend and fuse - all in an ongoing, radiant Conversation with the
Earth, the Moon and the Sun, the Planets and the Stars.

I participate in and create Ecospheric and Astral interwindings,
interweavings and interventions, modulating and re-presenting the
Tonos and Temper of the World Soul.

Once upon a time, Alchemy was also referred to as "Terrestrial
Astronomy", owing to the fact that the Earth, too, was regarded as a
Living Star, and everything within and upon Her was held to be in
Communion with everything else by means of the Spiritus Mundi -
the 'central nervous system' of the Universe.

"All the parts of the world, because they are the works of a single
creative artist, and, as components of the same construct, are all alike
in their essence and manner of existence, are bound together each with
each by a sort of mutual affection, so that love can properly be called
the perpetual knot or link of the universe ( 'amor nodus perpetuus, et
copula mundi'
) ."  ~ Marsilio Ficino

"Having observed the Forces of all things Natural and Celestial and
having examined by painstaking investigation the Sympathy among those
things, we bring into the open Powers hidden and stored away in Nature;
thus Magic links lower things to the gifts of higher things . . . so
that astonishing miracles thereby occur, not so much as by Art as by
Nature to which ~ as Nature works these wonders ~ this art of Magic
offers herself as handmaiden."  ~ Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa

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Concrete Evidence

Apr. 11th, 2012 | 05:18 pm
location: West Hurley, New York
music: Sirinu - Udite Selve

Here are a few links that touch on some evidence for the
use of a form of concrete in the construction of some of
the pyramids:

A New Angle On Pyramids:
Scientists Explore Whether Egyptians Used Concrete

MIT students under the direction of professor
Linn W. Hobbs are building a scale model to
test a contrarian theory.
By Colin Nickerson
April 22, 2008
@Boston Globe

NATURE Reports on Pyramid Limestone Concrete
in NATURE, vol. 444, 793, 14 December 2006 :

Some of the massive blocks making up the great
pyramids of Giza in Egypt (pictured) are not
limestone, but a synthetic mix like concrete,
argue materials scientists.

Materials Science: Concrete Evidence

Microstructural Evidence of Reconstituted
Limestone Blocks in the Great Pyramids of Egypt
by M. W. Barsoum, A. Ganguly, G. Hug
in: Journal of the American Ceramic Society
Volume 89, Issue 12, pages 3788–3796,
December 2006


How the Great Pyramids of Giza were built has
remained an enduring mystery. In the mid-1980s,
Davidovits proposed that the pyramids were cast
in situ using granular limestone aggregate and
an alkali alumino-silicate-based binder. Hard
evidence for this idea, however, remained elusive.

Using primarily scanning and transmission electron
microscopy, we compared a number of pyramid
limestone samples with six different limestone
samples from their vicinity.

The pyramid samples contained microconstituents
(μc's) with appreciable amounts of Si in combination
with elements, such as Ca and Mg, in ratios that do
not exist in any of the potential limestone sources.

The intimate proximity of the μc's suggests that
at some time these elements had been together in
a solution.

Furthermore, between the natural limestone aggregates,
the μc's with chemistries reminiscent of calcite and
dolomite—not known to hydrate in nature—were hydrated.

The ubiquity of Si and the presence of submicron
silica-based spheres in some of the micrographs
strongly suggest that the solution was basic.

Transmission electron microscope confirmed that some
of these Si-containing μc's were either amorphous or
nanocrystalline, which is consistent with a relatively
rapid precipitation reaction.

The sophistication and endurance of this ancient
concrete technology is simply astounding.

Abstract & full article available @Wiley Online

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Happy Summer Solstice!

Jun. 21st, 2011 | 04:42 pm
music: Donovan - Happiness Runs

Happy Solstice!

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Oct. 27th, 2010 | 06:07 am
location: Kaatskill Park
music: Orrery - Nine Odes to Oblivion

Tuli & Gage: 10-27-2010

Happy Birthday, Kids!

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Bloody Petrol

Apr. 26th, 2010 | 09:00 am
location: Catskill Park
music: The Pixies - This Monkey's Gone to Heaven

Below is an image that I created back in 2005 :
Bloody Petrol

We've been getting a lot of that, lately.

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First Snow

Nov. 24th, 2009 | 10:57 pm
location: Catskill Park
music: Steeleye Span – Seven Hundred Elves

House and barn - finally painted.

Both the house and the garage were painted before the first snow fell this year. The garage
was painted with several coats of elastomeric paint, for extra protection.

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Happy Birthday!

Oct. 27th, 2009 | 12:00 pm
location: Catskill Park
music: Weather Report - Birdland

Yummy One!

Happy Birthday, Kids!

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Crater Hermetis

Oct. 25th, 2009 | 10:31 pm
location: Catskill Park
music: Pink Floyd - Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun

Intrepid Party

The twins and I visited the crater today. Beautiful weather for it, too.

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Born to us this day...

Oct. 27th, 2008 | 07:18 pm
location: Poughkeepsie, New York
music: Nurse With Wound - Soliloquy for Lilith


In the photo above :

Gage Nikkal Caigan to the left,  and Tuli Viatrix Caigan on the right.

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